Picard:
Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness
in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command
pathways?
Geordi:
Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives
on late Twentieth-century computing technology.

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker [puzzled]
What the hell is Microsoft?
Data [turns to explain]
Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called
Windows, through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command
unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.
Picard:
But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing
systems to increase their storage capacity?
Data:
Yes, Captain. But when Windows detects this, it creates a new version of
itself known as an upgrade. The use of resources increases exponentially with
each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually
all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available
for their normal operational functions.
Picard:
Excellent work. This is even better than that unsolvable geometric shape idea.
. . . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
Data:
Captain, we have successfully installed the Windows in the Borg's command
unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available resources.
However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected upgrade.
Geordi:
Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity, but
we still have no indication of an upgrade to compensate for their increase.
Picard:
Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we have
missed.
Data:
Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the upgrade. Appearently
the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their
registration cards.
Riker:
Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape
sequence 3F!
Geordi: [excited]
Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !
Picard:
Data, what do your scanners show?
Data: [studying displays]
Appearently the Borg have found the internal Windows module named Solitaire,
and it has used up all available CPU capacity.
Picard:
Lets wait and see how long this Solitaire can reduce their functionality.
. . . . Two Hours Pass . . .
Riker:
Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?
Geordi:
As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for
increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase
resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more
Windows modules from something called the Microsoft Fun-Pack.
Picard:
How much time will that buy us?
Data:
Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an interest time span of 6
more hours.
Geordi:
Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.
Picard:
Identify.
Data:
It appears to have markings very similar to the Microsoft logo...
[over the speakers]
This is admiral Bill Gates of the Microsoft flagship MONOPOLY. We have
positive confirmation of unregistered software in this sector. Surrender all
assets and we can avoid any trouble. You have 10 seconds to comply.
Data:
The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of
humanoid-shaped objects.
Picard:
Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!
Riker:
My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward the Borg
ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep
space?!
Data:
I dont believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer I believe
you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first
century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits.
Riker and Picard, together [horrified]
Lawyers!!
Geordi:
It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in
2017 during the Great Awakening.
Data:
True, but appearently some must have survived.
Riker:
They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of
papers.
Data:
I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as red tape. It often proves
fatal.
Riker:
They're tearing the Borg to pieces!
Picard:
Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg doesn't
deserve such a gruesome death!



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